10 Video Game Foods I’d Try

As someone who thoroughly enjoys food, I have always been curious as to how some foods in video games would taste. I mean, if they were real. I don’t think code tastes like anything. Maybe it does. How would you eat code? Probably as a dip with chips…
BA DUM TSH! Anyway, here are ten video game foods I want to nom!

10. Pac-Man GhostspacmanpowerpelletTypically, you can’t eat these little ghouls but, pop a power pellet and they go down smoother than your grandfather’s cherished whiskey. I imagine they’d taste like smoke though. Maybe they’d have different flavors. Like shisha or something. Pinky would be cotton candy for sure.

9. The Portal Cakeportal-cakeI’ve confessed my love for Portal in the past, specifically, my love for the promised reward of cake but, not only do I like it as a prize, I would actually eat it. Seriously, look at it! It looks delicious! Chocolate cake with cherries? C’mon! Plus, imagine how much better it’d taste after completing all those test chambers.

8. A Yoshi EggYoshiEggNSMBWIt’s just a big egg. It’d just taste like, I don’t know, an ostrich egg or something. I know Yoshi can digest any living creature into an egg but, it’s still an egg, right? Throw some steak, peppers, mushrooms and cheddar cheese on there and you got yourself a darn good scramble.

7. Kirby’s Pot o’ SoupkirbyIn Super Smash Bros Brawl, Kirby’s final smash involves cooking a large batch of soup containing the bodies of his enemies. I know this sounds kind of messed up but, if this is Kirby’s ultimate attack, imagine how good he must be at making the concoction. It’d be way better than boring old tomato soup. The broth alone would be enough to make any food fanatic smile.

6. Flappy Birdflappy-bird-what-happens-when-you-reach-high-score-999-videoYeah, I said it. I’d eat Flappy Bird! It’d be the most satisfying thing to ever come from that Hellish game. I’d fillet it, fry it up with simple ingredients like oil, lemon and salt/pepper then serve it along side some rice and veggies. A light, elegant meal for such a terrible creation.

5. The Dead Enemies of ‘Splosion ManSplosion-ManHave you played ‘Splosion Man? It’s basically a platformer where your main ability is to explode, which helps get through obstacles and kill enemies. The interesting thing that happens when you blow up the scientists trying to stop you is that they erupt into a fireworks display of cooked meats. Yeah, technically it’s human meat but, it doesn’t look it. If someone came up to you with a platter of the stuff there’d be no way of telling. You know, I watched a documentary about cannibalism once and this guy from forever ago described the taste of human as comparable to veal. This got weird fast… MOVING ON!

4. ChocoboFFX_ChocoboYup, I’d totally be down for some deep friend chocobo. They are basically giant chickens. How could that go wrong? Imagine rolling into a KFC and getting an extra crispy chocobo wing. It’d be the greatest day of your life and you know it. Add some potato wedges and gravy and mm-mm-mm, too good!

3. A Health Potionred_potiobThis has been something I’ve been curious about for a very long time. Characters from a trillion different games drink health and mana potions like they’re in kindergarten and someone sneaked in a stash of Capri Suns. They have to taste good! The company producing the things must have taken into consideration that if their product tasted bad, no hero in their right mind would drink it. I know if I only had one heart left and had to choose between a terrible drink and dying I’d choose death nine times out of ten.

2. Mario Mushrooms1-Up_Mushroom_Artwork_-_Super_Mario_3D_WorldEveryone always says, “oh man, the Mario mushrooms are like hallucinogenic mushrooms!” Forget that, they probably just taste like normal mushrooms except they’re magic. The things can make you grow exponentially larger or even give you extra lives! You could eat one, jump off a cliff, die then come back just because you ate one of them. I like (non-trip inducing) mushrooms to begin with so, eating one that has that sort of magical power would only make the experience that much better.

1. SLOWPOKETAILSlowpoketailNo spaces neccessary because, now for the low, low price of 1,000,000 Pokemon Dollars, you could eat this nutritious SLOWPOKETAIL!!!! I don’t even care if PETA comes after me because of this article. Animals are delicious and that probably goes for slowpoke too. I know it’s a total scam but, Team Rocket wouldn’t be doing it if they weren’t actually selling the things. Maybe if it were Jessie and James they would but, not normal Team Rocket. This leads me to believe that SLOWPOKETAILs are actually very tasty and would most likely rock at any summer barbecue.

That’s it. Those are ten things from video games that I would consume in real life. Would you eat some of these things? Something not on this list that you’d try? Let me know in the comments below and as always, catch ya’ later!

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