Game Kings Better Than Joffrey

If you aren’t caught up on Game of Thrones, you may not want to continue!

Okay, if you’re reading this I am about to talk about something that has recently happened in the HBO series, Game of Thrones. Ready? King Joffrey is finally dead! YAY! PRAISE THE GODS! In lieu of that little brat, I thought I’d pick a few “bad” kings from video games that would better suit the throne at King’s Landing.

1) Conker
Conker-King-FirstFirst on the list is Conker from a game that my mother obviously bought me without reading the box first, Conker’s Bad Fur Day, the Nintendo 64 version. I haven’t played the XBox version for fear it’d ruin the memories I have of the original. Anyways, I think Conker would make a great king for King’s Landing because, well, despite being a fluffy red squirrel, he’d fit right in. He loves his booze, has no issue with overthrowing others and is filled with rage. Hmm, now that I think about it maybe he isn’t really fit for the throne. Eh, who am I kidding, he’s adorable. Look at his little sweatshirt, aww! And look, the crown is too big for his little squirrel head. TOO CUTE!

2) The King of All Cosmos
Next on the list is The King of All Cosmos from the Katamari series. I know he sent his son to basically wreak havoc on Earth (even though the humans liked it?) but, look at his sweet fashion sense. He’s another king that likes his drink and enjoys living the lifestyle. The only problem with him is that he’s a bit reckless. King’s Landing might end up blown into space or smashed into the planet’s core due to the king’s disregard of his own power.

3) King Mickey
King Mickey from Kingdom Hearts is the only character on this list that I would actually feel safe with having rule over the kingdom I live in. Unlike the previous two kings, the only problem with Mickey is that he may be a bit too righteous. In Kingdom Hearts he basically abandons his post to go fight the various villains throughout the universe. In the Game of Thrones environment he might end up like Robb Stark. Yikes, kind of disturbing to think of a Disney character being betrayed and murdered.

4) Ice King
Ice_King's_Drum_SetIce King from Adventure Time (there are video games, get off my back) would definitely be the most rad guy to have as king. No, he’s not the most skillful fighter, and all he really cares about is capturing princesses but, he’d throw some hecka fun partays! I can see it now, live music on every block, dancing babes and penguins throughout the kingdom, and snow cones for all! I guess the only issue is that he’d want to turn King’s Landing into the Ice Kingdom, which would give the White Walkers a home turf advantage. Maybe Ice King could command them though, giving him a terrifying army to defend the city with. Am I thinking too much about this?

5) Bowser
bowser kart
Unlike the other kings, I think Bowser has all the right qualifications to rule a corrupt place like King’s Landing. Not only is he the epitome of big bad king but, he also knows how to have a good time. First on the agenda King Bowser? You want to set up a go-kart track throughout the city? A golf course sir? Tennis too? And a large scale board game? I don’t think… Okay, we’ll get right on it. Please don’t set me on fire. Think about it, much like Ice King, Bowser can easily hang out with the people who don’t agree with his ways but, when the time comes he can totally wreck faces. Just don’t expect any of the city’s plumbing problems to be fixed any time soon.

Can you think of any “bad” kings that’d do a better job than Joffrey? Let me know in the comments below and, as always, catch ya’ next time!

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